Recognizing the Symptoms
I remember the moment I realized I was depressed. I was driving around my college campus, thinking, "There has to be more to life than feeling like this." Once I got inside my dorm room, I googled all my "symptoms"—hopelessness, changes in appetite, not excited about anything, constantly irritable, feeling sad (duh), and never getting enough sleep. Google spit out the most real response of all time, "Girl, you depressed!"
As I scrolled through the search results, another symptom that I had never thought of caught my eye: "YOU CAN'T REMEMBER A TIME WHEN YOU WERE GENUINELY HAPPY AND NOT DEPRESSED." Mind blown. This confirmed it for me. The reality was, there was definitely a time I was happy, but depression created a skewed perception of my entire reality that brought me away from the highest version of myself.
Inaction and Self-Gaslighting
So, what did I do about it, you ask? Did I immediately seek help and confide in my loved ones? Nope! I did a whole lot of nothing. I was in a "freeze" response and gaslit myself into thinking I had no right to feel this way. After all, I was attending a nice university by the beach, I was physically healthy, and nothing devastating had ever happened in my life to warrant these type of negative emotions. On top of that, I was pretty high-functioning and only ever showed any signs of depression through my constant fatigue. When I compared myself to others, I should be happy. I eventually gaslit my intuition and started to believe my sadness was a defect and my life was supposed to be hard. For a while I lived with the belief that everyone had the secret to happiness and I was born to be perpetually tired and miserable.
A Decade-Long Journey to a Breakthrough
Before I had my spiritual awakening, I tried the tried-and-true methods to get rid of my depression —I distracted myself. Thankfully, I have an aversion to addictive substances, so my vices included work and sleep. And for a while, it worked. I got a 9-5 job that consumed my mornings and evenings, while excess amounts of sleep consumed my nights. I had no time to think about how unhappy I was, and eventually, when I added exercise into my routine, I had so much pent-up energy that I had an anxiety attack after every workout.
Finally, after 10 YEARS of on-and-off depression, becoming more self-aware, learning about psychology, and starting my spiritual journey, I had a mother-trucking breakthrough. So, let's get into it...
How To Heal From DepressionÂ
1. Awareness
You cannot change what you are not aware of. First, ask yourself, "what is the depression trying to tell me?" Remember, everything is neutral. The depression may feel bad but it exists to open your eyes to something that needs your attention. Otherwise it would not exist. If i could guess, I would say most people experience depression due to the following reasons:
  a. In some way, they are living a life according to other people's expectations. i.e. working at a certain job you've been convinced will give you job security, being in a relationship with someone that is not your "person", or living a lifestyle that makes other's comfortable but you miserable.
  b. They have experienced intense emotions that were surprised for an extended amount of time. Â
What ever the reason, I believe that depression is your summoning to a spiritual awakening. The capacity to feel your emotions to such a degree that you are able to experience depression can be seen as a gift if you want it to :)Â
2. Feel
Yes, it is uncomfortable to feel sadness and as someone who has overcome depression, i have so much compassion to anyone who experiences it. However, the more you run away and try to suppress your "negative" emotions, the more pressure you add to the weight and the more attention you give to something you do not prefer.
Did you ever play with a beach ball in the ocean? If you push the ball down under the water, it will explode out of the water into the sky once you let it go. I'd equate this analogy to depression. The more pent up emotions we suppress and push further down, the more likely we are to explode with emotions once we let go. But, if you let the ball sit on top of the surface of the water and wash back up to shore with the help of the waves, the journey is a lot less volatile. Allow emotions to flow and get where it needs to be. And if you're not an analogy person, this means cry when you need to, scream in a pillow when your angry, sit in the uncomfortable moment without trying to fix it or intellectualize it too much. And if you've been suppressing your emotions for years like I did, it might take a few weeks of crying. Don't judge it. It just is.
As a subcategory to feel - I want to add in Connection. Finding connection is the best way to feel purposeful on this earth. As humans, we are innately wired for connection. If you were raised to be individualistic and grew up believing you have to do everything on your own—I see you and I'm sorry. Throughout history, communities have always relied on each other to survive, and it's only recently that our society has been set up differently. Finding people to inspire you, uplift you, and challenge you can really change the game. However, if you find it hard to connect with people, try to connect with the Earth in the meantime. Studies show that spending time in nature can improve your mood, mental health, and emotional well-being. Literally standing on the earth with your bare feet is scientifically proven to reduce inflammation, improve energy levels, and balance your stress hormones due to the electrons in the earth. Sitting in the Sun allows you to absorb vitamin D, helping with immunity, energy, and stress levels.
3. Act
Be authentic. Stop doing shit that makes you miserable. Stop holding yourself back from experiencing joy to make others feel comfortable. You know what I'm talking about - Staying in that relationship, sticking with that shitty job, surrounding yourself with friends that bring you down. Controversial opinion but we were not put on this earth to suffer. You are here to find JOY. This was truly the biggest lesson I had to learn throughout my journey. And guess what? the more you act on joy and excitement, the more you are in alignment with your higher self. And that's when the truly magical shit starts to happen! You manifest faster, synchronicities show up everywhere, and life becomes easier because you are communicating with the divine that you are it!
Bad Days: Embracing the Law of Polarity
Disclaimer! Once you start to feel good again, there's a chance you may still have "bad" moments and get upset with yourself that you're going "backward." To make you feel better about this inevitably, you must understand one of the laws of the Universe: the Law of Polarity, which basically means the universe works in perfect balance. Everything has a duality and a built-in opposite that cannot exist without the other. Yin and Yang. By the Law of Polarity, if one side (of anything) has the potential to exist, the opposite expression has to exist as well. Although we may not prefer it, the contrast allows perspective. We are able to appreciate the good times so much more. The good news is, as you begin to master energy, the contrast will not be as extreme, and as you grow, you will actually be able to handle it 10,000x better anyway! As we become our authentic selves, the perception of "bad" that has to exist is not as bad as we once saw it years ago at the height of our depression. Yay for growth!
